Stocks Sink after Poor Translation

The market value of Phon-itech, which had been rising steadily in the expectation of soon-to-be-released breakout technology, plummeted overnight, dropping by over 33% in just 12 hours. Investors, smelling something fishy, have lost faith in the Sacramento-based tech giant’s leadership as news of a lawsuit filed by Phon-itech’s CEO, Marcel Clemens, has come to light.

Mr. Clemens is suing the French company, AlimenTous Inc. for false advertising, which he blames for his serving canned cat food to the guests at an exclusive investor party held in his rue du Faubourg apartment in Paris. Mr. Clemens, who prides himself on personally managing these intimate events, served the cat food to his guests in crystal bowls, thinking it was high-end fish pâté.

AlimenTous insists that the cat food was clearly labeled, and Mr. Clemens simply did not understand the French: “pâté de poisson pour les grands chats de goût irréprochable,” “fish pâté for big cats with impeccable taste.” Clemens insists that this was not a translation error, and that: “any reasonable person could have interpreted this as meaning that this was an elegant pâté for ‘fat cats’ or ‘business leaders.’”

AlimenTous has hired translation company AEG Translations to assist with their legal defense and to review all product descriptions. Insiders tell us the food company is particularly worried about “chocolats pour mon cœur” (chocolates for my heart) and “pâtée pour chiens—les chiens chanceux” (pâté for dogs—lucky dogs).

The market value of Phon-itech continues to drop.

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